Remembering Charlie #3

This is the first anniversary of the death of my youngest brother: Charles Andrew Bell (2 November 1965 to 10 December 2009). He was diagnosed as a type 1 when he was about 13 years old. He worked hard for years and then apparently just gave up and did what he damned well pleased. (Coke, pizza and candy are not things a poorly controlled diabetic should have in his house.) He had very crappy medical insurance and simply didn't have a family doctor. By the time he got accepted by Social Security disability and onto Medicare, it was too late.

I have been quite aware of my future mortality since I nearly drown in late 1987 (and haven't scuba dived since); thought I was having a heart attack when I was 35 years old and when my Father died of congestive heart failure at age 68.

My youngest brother, Charlie, died of congestive heart failure at age 44 years, 1 month, 8 days. You don't have to be "old" to worry about death and it's aftermath. I am not a lawyer so contact one with your legal questions; I'm just someone whose youngest brother died intestate or "without a will"". Here are some suggestions based on what my brothers (especially Jim) and I experienced: Before you die, before you even get sick, make a will telling what you want:

• done with your body:
• cremation or
• embalming and burial,
• who does the work,
• your plans for payment,
• burial site
• or ash disposal instructions (i.e.: placement at a Veteran's Cemetery, a nice spot in a friend or relatives curio cabinet, burial with relatives, scattering at sea or the back yard),
• You might plan your funeral service (I had a friend - Karla Jean Miller - who planned her funeral in complete detail. My youngest brother made no such plans; my brothers and I ended up going to our ministers to get advice...)
• how to notify your boss(es),
• who gets your stuff (it can take a long time to list everything),
• who you owe money to,
• what liens are out on your property (i.e. My brother used his car title to get a loan from a pay day loan place! We had to buy the title back before we could sell his car.),
• bank accounts,
• 401Ks,
• life insurance policies (and did you "borrow" money from it/them?)
• what storage lockers you are renting and where is their key,
• what bank lock boxes or safe deposit boxes do you rent, what name do you rent under and where is the key? You should make sure your executor is listed on the safe deposit access forms.
• your email data,
• social network accounts,
• blogs,
• newspapers and magazines you subscribe to,
• what you want done with your dogs, cats, birds, fish (feed to cats?),"pet snakes" (now there is an oxymoron!),
• a list of where you keep your medications and "sharps",
• do you automatically get meds from a pharmacy (I do...) with billing afterwards,
• and a list of folks to be notified with their phone numbers, email and mail addresses,
• a list of files/directories on your computer(s) you want to give away. (i.e. I had my father's home movies from when I was in 1^st grade translated to DVD and stored it on my computer.),
• Decide who is going to get your stuff and ask someone to sort through your stuff and dispose of it. There are Estate Sales companies which will buy stuff from your estate. You'll have to research the various companies to see how much they will pay out; you should expect them to take advantage of your grief and to try taking advantage of you. (It could be you might not care and are just happy to be rid of your relatives stuff.)
• My Mother and her sister went through their Mother's stuff when Grandma Maxson died in 1983. She had stuff in attic storage dating back to the late 1800s! My Grandparents were sharp dressers in 1915 but that clothing was a bit out of style in 1983 (as are my tailored suits from 1986 that I bought when in the Navy stationed in the Orient).
• My grandparents didn't trust banks and had about $5,000 stashed in books on the second floor of their house; under the basement stairs, my Grandmother had a big can of some kind of vegetable with rust spots on it and a bulging lid. She must have bought in the 1950s. (Can you say botulism? I bet the City of Bay City Michigan was thrilled to come dispose of that!) So, be prepared for surprises!)
• a list of files/directories you want purged before anyone gets your "old" computer(s) or it is sent to the breakers. You can make a simple batch file that would delete any files you want killed off.
• You may have written the "Great American Novel" (and haven't we all?). I strongly suggest you edit your novel(s), have them printed and bound and put them on your bookshelf. I knew Charlie had been working on a novel but it only just occurred to me that I could have looked for this novel on his computer. Well, too late for that now! So, do your relatives a favor and don't make them have to go hunting for that novel; they probably won't anyway...

All of this could be done on a couple of sheets of paper. There are programs which allow you to create a will; you should have it done by a lawyer.

You could sort bills and put them in a cheap, plastic, filing cabinet.

Contact the various companies your will's executor will have to deal with. Let them know who will be contacting them when you die.

If you die without a will, a judge may appoint a successor. If a successor is appointed, better hope it is a friend or relative who will work with your relatives or friends to determine who gets what. A court appointed successor might not be a friend to your kith and kin.

I explained this to a friend, the head of the local hospice. She said "get a living will and keep it up to date!"

You might consider writing your obituary; think of it as a permanent, non editable, "wikipedia" entry on newspaper.

It just occurred to me that you could set aside money to buy booze and munchies for your wake. ("Won't be any 'lite' beer or Mad Dog or 'Ultra' at my wake!") Just a thought, albeit a bit morbid...

If you find an overdue VCR or DVD, expect to pay the overdue fine (unless you drop it in the slot and trundle off); I don't think they'll buy the "but it's overdue cause the renter died...

Finally, you might as well write down the library you borrow from and keep library books, etc. in a convenient place for their return. It never occurred to me to look for any library books or CDs my youngest brother might have checked out; his room mate would have dealt with this...

This was was my second try at creating and sending this documents years ago. My computer ate the first attempt (or I fumble fingered it...)